Remember When?

It was suppose to be special when I took you to a place that I want you to remember this is the first time that we had. It was suppose to be a beautiful thing and romantic memories but it was all ruined when I found out something.

You took her to the same place that I took you the very next day without letting me know and when I found out, you do not know how much does it hurts. Everything I ever planned out been replace!

You never see how I actually react because maybe you are just too blinded when you are around her. And me would soon fading away.

There are a few detailed things I found out but I guess I would just keep it to myself because it doesn't really matter anymore. But I have to admit, although how much it hurts for me I will still definite to put a smile on my face but behind it is tears that you will never get to see.

Thinking about it, I had spent weeks thinking about what I could get you that would represent for us, that wouldn't be too much for your birthday but it still be special. I had hatch up a plan which by applying leave and plan to give you a surprise on your very special day until you told me that you had plans; moreover before your birthday everything is already been crumble into million pieces. It was all in vain for all the things I had planned out.

There is nothing but a broken dream, broken promise, broken heart.

Remember the day when I sent you off, there are lots of things I want you to know but words cannot be verbalize. I watched you walked away to the airport but it's okay because we will be seeing each other again but I do not know how am I going to know the feelings I felt for you in the future anymore. xxA

One Day

You may not believe me but I gave you the all I had.

"Let Go"!!! Everyone I've ever come across gave me this advice. But how does one go about doing that so easily when the feelings of both parties are still there? Don't you think if I knew how to let go I would have done it by now but instead of it I feel like bawling out at them.

Well I guess the saddest thing about our whole situation is that there was no definite ending. So what we could do now is to go with the flow and I finally understand lots of thing in just one night, I found myself become so mature & big hearted!

Here is a question! Is it really possible to ever fully move on? Or we just find someone else to fall in love with to fill the void? I guess what hurts most than losing you is knowing you're not fighting to keep me. But on the other hand, I can't blame you because you are just trying to be fair with me so I could just pretty much swallow the pain down my spine and no one would actually knows my sorrow.

In a way as a result, I'm telling myself to go with the flow. Who would ever knows about the future, maybe I found find someone new OR we will be back together once again after you figure out what you want for us! It is just better in time & there is nothing I could do at the moment.

I'm learning and working on it and trying to get myself back to a place that I used to be. I cried a lot when you are gone but I'm trying to be rational to think of the positive sides.

But you don't know about any of this about me because probably I would not cross your mind any longer...

Everyday I'm just living my life like go to woke, hang out with friends, drive on an empty streets to clear my mind, read some books, surfing the net, text new people a day but no one I come in contact with ever knows that I am always thinking about you. You have always been inside my heart, my mind  and my secret.

xxA

Next Chapter

I know that you have been struggling here and there but I don't think I would wait any longer until then-- if we are bound to be together, it will be... 

You are my beautiful accident, my beautiful memories... xA