Starts with Goodbye

Everyone that comes into your life promise you the sun, the moon and the star. But in the end of the day - they left without any promises been made.

Different story, same ending...

Achievement of 2013

Okay, time flies and 3 months left until 2014. Let me see what I have accomplished so far that I stated earlier this year. 

1. Tattoo (Checked) 

Would want to get at least another one or two this year, I manage to get one in 2012. So am I brave or not? Damn proud I have the courage to do it.

*Got a new tattoo on my hip

2. Financial (Checked) 

Do not want to stuck on the status quo anymore, realize my salary is way too low compare to others of my friend and I felt so pressure due to responsibility to leave my current job. The current job; I do not know where am I heading in the future. I'm just kinda tired of it as it is just a cycle of doing the same thing over and over again.

I need more money in order to feed myself and at least get myself and my family something good in the future.

*I'm off the hook from that tremendous struggle from my previous jobs 

3. Vacation (Checked) 

Hmmm... This time I would like to be a little greedy perhaps? Wanna travel to overseas, maybe at least one or two as well. Explore the world and get myself some off time from hectic work.

*Does Singapore counts even though I had travel a couple of times this year?! 

4. Relationship (Checked)

Well 2012 is been a mess for me in term of relationship. How shall I put this? Hmmmm well here it goes.

"We met, we talked, we flirted, I fell for you, I trusted you, I take care of you, you flirted with her behind my back, you betrayed me, you ruined everything. End of story"

This year I wanna be brave enough to start everything over; fresh; new;  again & again. It's only in risking getting it wrong that we get it really right. I'm gonna love hard and dedicate my heart to that special someone who really cares and love me. Even though if this heart gonna break again, I don't care because life is too short to focus on the future.

*Well I can say I'm thankful for what I had and God has been good to me :) 

5. Friendship (Checked) 

This year am gonna make more new friends than 2012 because it actually will enhance my network for the future :D

*Yeap, I surely did make lots of friends 

6. Books (Checked) 

Read and Read and Read, this is the only thing that could broaden your knowledge so that when speaking to anyone you could just easily continue a conversation with them. So let's read!

*I think I should read more still 

7. Family (Errrrrrr)

Well, am really gonna spend more quality time with them as more laughter. A house is not a home when there's no one there to hold you tight and no one there you can hold on to so cherish the people that you are closet to.

8. Exercise (Noooooooo)

Really need to start exercise and get my stamina back. Moreover, this year gonna train to have a good abs at least. Been fat lately! :(

*Okay I haven't achieve any abs till to date, kinda frustrated now! Purrrrrfffff

Jilted Love

I want you to be happy, and if it’s not with me that’s fine.

Because you’re the only person I have loved enough to put before myself.

Seeing you happy, makes me happy, and that’s what love is….

Right?

How to Get Over an Ex

After been through so much of being a human, I saw this article and it does make lots of sense now. Just for sharing:- http://justmytype.ca/gettting-over-an-ex-my-ask-amy-column-as-seen-in-the-24-hours/

xA

Everything Has Changed!

Everything has changed, and if your feelings had changed something would have changed with us. Then I don't want to lose you as a friend so I play cool beans, and I go with the flow, and as a result the 'wear my heart on my sleeve’ side of me has been suppressed.

I don't have much to say as closure or “in conclusion”.

Just this: I like you, and I'm going to be taking a step back. Finding better ways to spend my time/emotion rather than running back to your arms which it leads nowhere.  

No more bonding with my family, no more making dinner plans, no more really cleaver or funny texts, no gay parties, no more planning for the weekends. No more... xA

Finding "The One"

I've been told that you know someone is the one by just knowing. If you have to ask yourself if she is, then she isn't and if two people are meant to be then they will be. All these fairy-tale statements about finding the love of your life, but I believe the best piece of advice I've gotten goes like this.

You won’t know if someone’s the one until your last dying breath. When death is looking you in the eyes and you have that one last moment to reflect back on your life, you will then see who took that life journey with you. You will know without regret, that you wouldn't change your history together for anything.

It’s then, and only then, that you’ll know she’s the one. Until then, you go after her, you pursue her and you follow your heart, because the worst thing you can do is miss that once in a lifetime opportunity wishing you could get it back. xA 

Keep Me Wondering

Some psychological studies suggest, when you can't stop thinking about someone, it's likely because they're thinking about you as well.

I do not know how true is it? But just share though. xA

Remember When?

It was suppose to be special when I took you to a place that I want you to remember this is the first time that we had. It was suppose to be a beautiful thing and romantic memories but it was all ruined when I found out something.

You took her to the same place that I took you the very next day without letting me know and when I found out, you do not know how much does it hurts. Everything I ever planned out been replace!

You never see how I actually react because maybe you are just too blinded when you are around her. And me would soon fading away.

There are a few detailed things I found out but I guess I would just keep it to myself because it doesn't really matter anymore. But I have to admit, although how much it hurts for me I will still definite to put a smile on my face but behind it is tears that you will never get to see.

Thinking about it, I had spent weeks thinking about what I could get you that would represent for us, that wouldn't be too much for your birthday but it still be special. I had hatch up a plan which by applying leave and plan to give you a surprise on your very special day until you told me that you had plans; moreover before your birthday everything is already been crumble into million pieces. It was all in vain for all the things I had planned out.

There is nothing but a broken dream, broken promise, broken heart.

Remember the day when I sent you off, there are lots of things I want you to know but words cannot be verbalize. I watched you walked away to the airport but it's okay because we will be seeing each other again but I do not know how am I going to know the feelings I felt for you in the future anymore. xxA

One Day

You may not believe me but I gave you the all I had.

"Let Go"!!! Everyone I've ever come across gave me this advice. But how does one go about doing that so easily when the feelings of both parties are still there? Don't you think if I knew how to let go I would have done it by now but instead of it I feel like bawling out at them.

Well I guess the saddest thing about our whole situation is that there was no definite ending. So what we could do now is to go with the flow and I finally understand lots of thing in just one night, I found myself become so mature & big hearted!

Here is a question! Is it really possible to ever fully move on? Or we just find someone else to fall in love with to fill the void? I guess what hurts most than losing you is knowing you're not fighting to keep me. But on the other hand, I can't blame you because you are just trying to be fair with me so I could just pretty much swallow the pain down my spine and no one would actually knows my sorrow.

In a way as a result, I'm telling myself to go with the flow. Who would ever knows about the future, maybe I found find someone new OR we will be back together once again after you figure out what you want for us! It is just better in time & there is nothing I could do at the moment.

I'm learning and working on it and trying to get myself back to a place that I used to be. I cried a lot when you are gone but I'm trying to be rational to think of the positive sides.

But you don't know about any of this about me because probably I would not cross your mind any longer...

Everyday I'm just living my life like go to woke, hang out with friends, drive on an empty streets to clear my mind, read some books, surfing the net, text new people a day but no one I come in contact with ever knows that I am always thinking about you. You have always been inside my heart, my mind  and my secret.

xxA

Next Chapter

I know that you have been struggling here and there but I don't think I would wait any longer until then-- if we are bound to be together, it will be... 

You are my beautiful accident, my beautiful memories... xA

Nonchalance of You

I'm home and feeling…. lonely. 

I pretend everything is okay when you are gone. But I just couldn't continue avoiding the phone calls that chased us away I bent down and planted a kiss, the words inadvertently slipped out and I let slide an admission of my feelings. So I try to cover it up with feigned nonchalance and rehearsed finesse, but I do believe I meant it. I did. 

There is a fact that people tends to let their feelings out while at night. 

This is why I hate when I hear you said: "you will find someone else. you'll find others." Yes, fine, I know this, it's life but it's not this that upsets or annoys me. I'm not looking for anyone. We were a

beautiful accident--it wasn't on purpose. That's all. We can't replace accidents just like that. Yes, I will one day find another but that doesn't mean that they will replace you because for me, everyone has his individual value.

And here's where I become a confused emotional wreck.

I miss you...

I miss your voice, to breathe in your warm scent and to feel your fingers run through my hair.

I miss the feeling I get when I am with you. 

I miss you so much that it hurts. But do you know what the worst part is? 

The fact that you don't seem to miss me at all but her...  xA

Never Regret!

I think, I think when it's all over it just comes back in flashes you know

It's like a kaleidoscope of memories, but it just all comes back.

But she never does.

I think part of me knew the second I saw her that this would happen

It's not really anything she said or anything she did

It was the feeling that came along with it

And crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever going to feel that way again.

But I don't know if I should. 

I knew her world moved too fast and burned too bright, but I just thought,

How could the devil be pulling me towards someone who looks so much like and angel when she smiles at you?

Maybe she knew that when she saw me.

I guess I just lost my balance.

I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing her, it was losing me.

I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are. xxA

It doesn't matter...

Had a weirdest dream today and make me have some deep thoughts. Is kinda a screwed up situation but.... *shrug

Bottom line, I realized that sometimes love means taking a step back. I think if you care about somebody, you should want them to be HAPPY even if you wind up being LEFT OUT.

Even though I gonna admit that the pain is excruciating but still time will heal who you are. xxA

Silent Night

Silent night, broken night
All is fallen when you take your flight
I found some hate for you
Just for show
You found some love for me
Thinking I'd go
Don't keep me from crying to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, moonlit night
Nothing's changed
Nothing is right
I should be stronger than weeping alone
You should be weaker than sending me home
I can't stop you fighting to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESIjkGxMllo

xA

Chance or Choice?!

"So the egg is once again cracked again, so let's make sure we make some great omelette out of it!" 

Well everything just happened so fast, just a snap; everything just crashed and burned.

I think, I think when it's all over it just comes back in flashes you know.

I think what I am to you is not real. You told me that you loved me but you loved her more.

What I am to you, you do not need.

What I am to you is not what you mean to me.

Oh well, what the hell this is noting new just different stories and same endings again.

Just another phase of finding what I really need but still part of me still bleed.

I remember it well the first time that I saw you, your head around the door caused my mind stopped working and mesmerized by you.

I remember December and I wanna hear what you have to say about me, hear if you're gonna live without me, I wanna hear what you want...

Ironically still a little bit of your taste in your mouth,

still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed,

still a little bit of your sweet words I longed to hear,

still a little hard to say what's going on,

still a little bit of your ghost still haunting me....

Honestly I still can't take my mind off you, my mind....

Till I find somebody new and it will become a memory again.

Thank you for all the sweet times, surprises, efforts, pampers, protections, supports, shoulder to cry on.

You have been good to me and we have to go our own way now and even though it sucks but sometimes a goodbye can be a good thing wanted a chance to start again. xxA

Gone

So is been so long that I finally let down this heart and totally have a clean slate of everything with you. 

Somehow I do not why, part of me still missing you sometimes but is better still that we lead our own way, as a strangers again. 

That would be the best of everything and this song ends with it. xA

Life Goes On...

Well this is how I used to feel when I got myself into a broken heart last year. The whole fucking year!!! But I thank GOD for what it happened because it is crystal clear for me that we were never meant to be together. And this song's lyrics are really what I did and how I felt.

What doesn't kills you makes you stronger they said and yea I'm pretty much stronger now too.... :D xA

Exordium !!!

So 2013 is finally here, everyone probably has all planned out their New Year Resolution to achieve.

In 2012 I laugh, I cried turned up I turned down, I loved, I lost trust & I was betrayed & most importantly I learned. 

One of my friend inspire me to have a list to achieve in 2013 so let me see what shall I begin w/ my resolution.

1. Tattoo

Would want to get at least another one or two this year, I manage to get one in 2012. So am I brave or not? Damn proud I have the courage to do it.

2. Financial 

Do not want to stuck on the status quo anymore, realize my salary is way too low compare to others of my friend and I felt so pressure due to responsibility to leave my current job. The current job; I do not know where am I heading in the future. I'm just kinda tired of it as it is just a cycle of doing the same thing over and over again.

I need more money in order to feed myself and at least get myself and my family something good in the future.

3. Vacation 

Hmmm... This time I would like to be a little greedy perhaps? Wanna travel to overseas, maybe at least one or two as well. Explore the world and get myself some off time from hectic work.

4. Relationship 

Well 2012 is been a mess for me in term of relationship. How shall I put this? Hmmmm well here it goes.

"We met, we talked, we flirted, I fell for you, I trusted you, I take care of you, you flirted with her behind my back, you betrayed me, you ruined everything. End of story"

This year I wanna be brave enough to start everything over; fresh; new;  again & again. It's only in risking getting it wrong that we get it really right. I'm gonna love hard and dedicate my heart to that special someone who really cares and love me. Even though if this heart gonna break again, I don't care because life is too short to focus on the future.

5. Friendship

This year am gonna make more new friends than 2012 because it actually will enhance my network for the future :D

6. Books

Read and Read and Read, this is the only thing that could broaden your knowledge so that when speaking to anyone you could just easily continue a conversation with them. So let's read!

7. Family

Well, am really gonna spend more quality time with them as more laughter. A house is not a home when there's no one there to hold you tight and no one there you can hold on to so cherish the people that you are closet to.

8. Exercise

Really need to start exercise and get my stamina back. Moreover, this year gonna train to have a good abs at least. Been fat lately! :(