A little not over you

This is just so sad. I know that deep down inside I still care and love you but what I can do is just to ignore all my feelings. I know this is not going anywhere...

Even though I still have feelings for you and what's the point? Because I know that you will never gonna care and go out and hunt the next target.

I'm so pathetic, what should I do... Every night I cried myself to sleep, emotional disrupted. Sigghhh

Different story, same ending. xA

Melancholy

Guess that you didn’t know that I still notice the things that you did behind my back. You constantly keep checking on her blog and sending those lovey-dovey messages like I love you, I miss you this kind of thing; even before and after of our relationship. Don’t you know that is just fucking cheating still?

You keep embellish your lies when I asked you that do you like her and love her. And your answer would always be, I like her as a friend and nothing else more. But what you don’t know is that I know the truth and that’s why I was hoping you to tell me the truth but you again lie right to my face. You get so sensitive when comes to the M girl and one time she called when you were away so I pick up the phone and tell her that you are away. Still you get so worried and paranoid and kept asking me what did I said to her and why the fuck I answer your call. There is when I know you did something really wrong behind of my back and you panic and make a big fuss out of it.

Poem, signal and sign that you sent across to the M girl really do hurt my feeling lots. Because I know that you had change your love after you met her when you were still having a relationship with me. You get so fed up with me and pick those unnecessary fight and flaws of me just to break our relationship up so that you can be with her next.

Before that I told you before what is wrong with you but you end up saying that I’m so possessive and controlling and whatever fucking mean word to hurt me. Every time, I cried myself to sleep for the past few months because I know that you had changed.

Seriously, fuck my stubbornness in me because my friends used to warn, advice me off me not to work with their partner because things will turn out awry in the end of the day. Well guess what? They were right!!!

Why I choose to listen to you instead of my friend? You told me that those old couples been working with each other for more than 10 years and nothing happened to their relationship and you said that you wanted to spend your life with me and seek for stability but it all turns out to be bullshit.

Now whatever of us ends and I hope you are happy now because whatever I did is due to my insecurity. Still I’m still working you; I don’t know how long I can take this pain. I really have no clue and I am still hurting.

But you on the other hand? You don’t notice because you have a new toy to play with… xA

Toxic Mindset

How to be alive again? I keep telling myself that.

Well to be honest, I really gain this hatred feeling towards this girl called M and no offense or anything but I just do.

I know holding grudge is just so wrong but I guess I'm gonna make this exception for myself... at least!

Because it is so much better I guess? :) xA

Self-Inflicted

Mostly everyday I wake up with a terrible nightmare and I dislike this kind of lifestyle anymore because is just too painful and it will eventually effect my health.

Wake up in the middle of the night, panting.... and my mind is just full of you, haunting me and sucking on me slowly and deadly.

What can I do to erase all this pain? What did I do to you to deserve this agony? I'm frail and all you ever did was just hurt me more because all I know that you have another person in your mind now; which I have no position in your heart and that really kills me.

How could people just change so fast? How could they just throw away love so easily and fall into something by just a snap? I guess I'm always there for you and therefore you got bored and take things for granted.

Oh well, I guess if I can no longer hold on to it. I will eventually leave.... one day

xA

Just Maybe

I really should STOP drinking and smoking myself to death just because I need to get over you.

But the truth is that I will never get over someone in just a small period of time and what more that I need to see that person very often. FML

Is just not worth it. xA

Turning

Why u did this to me? Letting me go so easily and finding some lame excuse just to get rid of me because there is somebody else involved?

And then after awhile that we were done, you came around and send me signal and sign saying that besides than your mom, I'm the only person that you trusted the most in the world and said that you miss me.

What the fuck should I do? I need some advice... :/

xA

Let It Go

What's happening to me?

Why am I still hurting myself so much? I have a choice by closing the book now and turn into a new chapter.

I know I should just quit and move on instead of just hanging on with this nonsense.

Everyday I had been crying myself to sleep and the next day morning wake up in pain because was awaken by the nightmare.

Maybe I should try turning love into hate and hate everything that you did to me, betray me, lie to me, cheat on me. That's what player are capable of without realizing it was wrong. Never mind, KARMA is a bitch and it will eventually come on the right time and right place.

And I had some ridiculous imagination that I wish vampire do exist so that I would want a small little favour from them which is just hypnotize me so that I could just forget those pain that I have been having right now. Not cool, really not cool after all... :'(

xA

How could this happened to me?

I know I should be moving on without holding on but it seems to be so hard and time consuming.

Don't know how long will I get over you. Maybe a month? A year? I hope time will heal my pain and yea easy for you to find someone replace me because that's what you are. A player or should I just say emotional cripple? Nuff said

I'm deeply wounded and I don't know how to pick myself up again this time... xA

Burn the bridge

Lesson that I learnt in life.

1. Never ever move in w/ someone if you are sure that they are gonna be the ONE for the rest of your life

2. Never ever work for that person just because they pave a nice road and sweet talk you and lead you in

3. Never ever give your heart out to anyone anymore because they might eventually crush it

4. Never ever put them as priority more than your friends & family because once you lose, all you ever left is nothing

5. Never ever give your happiness up just because you just want them to be happy and in the end of the day you would end up in the bottom pit of the world

6. Never ever please them because they will end up taking you for granted

7. Never ever be there for them anymore if they only need you when they are in need

8. Never ever soften your heart just because they say sorry to you yet still betray you in the end of the day

9. Never ever date a player and believe that they will change for the sake of you

10. Never ever put your dignity and pride behind of yourself and let them ruin you every now and then


SO TO THOSE GIRLS OUT THERE, WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! ;)

xA

Lonely Path

Who am I kidding?

Every time when I'm in need, no one seems to be there to help me and lend me a hand but me and my shadow. Even sometimes, your shadow will eventually leave you and that's sad...

xA

Porcelain

I once fall in love, devoted so much into this relationship but in the end; I felt myself got betray and feeling so much of insecurity in me. What a fool am I? Though that you could be the one for me and we could last forever just because of what you said to me!!! Now reality strikes upon me and all I know is that happy ever after in fairy tales doesn't exist anymore. *Wake the fuck up*

I never felt this painful after all. I guess I lost to this girl and I don't know who's that girl and where's she from but all I know is that she took your mind and heart away from me and all I left is nothing but sadness.

Even though you are physically with me but you are emotionally sway apart. You never know how does it feel and maybe you could put yourself in my shoe only you would realize how painful it is. The way you treat me in those days are terrible! Scolding, yelling but I didn't fight back but swallow deep inside...

I don't know how to pick myself up because it seems like everything around me just crumble and I had crash and burn totally.... :'(

xA

The Sobriety of a Soul

Well I guess everything was said and done now. I'm finally letting go this pain that have been torturing and tormenting me all this few months. To be honest, it is the bitterness experience I ever tasted all these years. No one could truly understand how I feel because when people around me ask what's wrong? I would be putting up a facade that no one can sees right through it. 

Yes! I do agree that I used to be the happiest girl in the whole world when I'm w/ you but things change too fast. All you ever did to me is a scar that I would remember by falling to those temptation out there, fall out of love and treat me so invisible; like a giffen.

You said I'm possessive & controlling but have you ever thought that is all because of YOU that make me do things beyond my imagination. Feeling so insecure & lost; and every time I head to bed, I would cry myself to sleep.

Things change and I know some part of me still miss you much but it doesn't mean I'm gonna want you back anymore. Maybe during those time, I should be a little standoffish so that you wouldn't take me for granted. I should never put you in my priority list but never mind and doesn't matter anymore actually...

This song really means something to us I guess... :'(

xA