Brain VS Heart

So is been awhile. 

But honestly I'm kinda afraid to fall in love again because it could be sweet at first but the hardmanship that you have to go through.

I wish I'm brave enough to bring those walls ahead.

xA 

Missing Keys

I still remember once a friend told me this and it makes me laugh.

I'm the lock and your partner is the key and therefore no one can snatch me away from my partner.

But apparently your key is missing and I'll be always lock until I found my new key master. :)

xA

Change because you are not a TREE!

If your relationship is not like the movie (happy ending), that's what it should be in this cruel reality life.

Well I guess I tasted the best in my last relationship, you are the best among all and I truly love you but still I can't stuck on that rut anymore because I accidentally felt into by mistake, I need to pick myself up and move on.

Seeing you kills me everyday but I don't think you even give a damn about it.

A relationship doesn't erase wounds - it emphasizes them. Heal from your ex love before pursuing your next love.

xA

Choosing Path

I saw a very sad real scenario.

When I was having my dinner while waiting my friend to come, I saw this very old man came in to the restaurant alone. Probably he is going to have his dinner with his partner I though so I just ignore it.

But after I finish my meal, I realize that he was eating alone and he is bloody rich because I can see that he is actually wearing a ROLEX watch.

Suddenly I feel sad because I do not like the idea of old people eating alone there, is just kinda sad. Is like once you are old, money means nothing to you anymore. All you ever wanted for that stage of life is to have someone who is there for you, care for you and hold your hands down the road.

Moreover, I do not want myself or anyone I know being like that when they are old too like being left out, spending the rest of their life alone.

Saddening... :(

xA

Love Sample

Apologies wouldn't fixed a broken heart.

So back off and leave me alone. xA

Here Comes Goodbye

I finally realize that you are the biggest mistake I made in life. I know what will I got myself into yet I'm like a moth, jumping into the fire and got burned.

Before we met each other, I already know that you are dating some other girl and I'm still so attracted to you. All my friends told me not to fall for a player but I refuse to listen, therefore after we got together I still been suffering throughout those months.

When I'm with you, I felt alone. I still remember there is this scenario that makes me damn disappointed, devastated, words that can't be explained.

You asked me to quickly packed my stuff and leave the house and on the other hand, you refuse to stay and helped me to packed. The reason of all this is that, you had a date with that M bitch! Although I know how much pain I can withstand, I still swallow all the pain alone.

Shedding my tears and leave while you are out there playing, flirting with her.

Now lesson learnt, I know that I should HATE you for all the pain that you put me through, the person I had become. You have no idea of  all of this pain but to keep saying that I'm emo emo emo. But the fact is that you are the reason for causing all of this shit!

Do you seriously think that I like to be emo? Hell to the NO!!!

Well I guess you are just a human without a soul, a human without sense to differentiate rights and wrongs because that's what you are.

SELFISHNESS!

Goodbye very soon...

xA

Universal Law

Nostalgia is the most powerful fore in the universe. When people are looking back to their past, they always imagine that it must have been better. xA

Stubbornness

When I heard this song, I remember one of my friend who dedicated this song to me when she told me to wake the fuck up because I deserve someone better rather than sticking to the same pace, suffering and crying.

Everyone told me that your partner had cheated on me, lie to me when you were both together. As a couple, they should not hang out with other girls and worst even hang out with them alone. 

And now your partner is off with another girl. And you finally get to see the true colour of that person which you need not to cry anymore and go out there find someone even better... 

Someone who cherish you, love you and never gonna let you shed a tear anymore. 

Let go!

P/S: If only you would see this video and understand Chinese. 

xA

Thou should not Give Up!

This is a song for me, first I know what I get myself into by falling in love with a player and I know heart wrecked gonna happened anytime yet I still fall heads over heels for that person.

Though that I could make you change for me but I tried and it doesn't work how I planned to be.

Sometimes, I really do hate when people ask me what happened to the sweet old you? 

Well, bitches like you killed it... xA

Joy of Tear

Whoever starts a chaos ends with a chaos.

I had learnt a lot since this unforgettable heartbreak.

No matter how broken my heart may be, I will get through it and there is love, hope and happiness on the other side.

I hope you can see through me how hard is it for me to get over you even though you said I'm always emo-ing in front of you.

But the fact is... really hard and I'm pushing myself to the edge. xA

Grateful

They said stop chasing people. If they REALLY wanna be in your life, they'll still be there once you stop running after them.

And I' tired of running and everything else in life, just so tired.

Therefore, I learned on that a liar can only outrun their lies for so long. Eventually the sheep's clothing falls off & reveals the wolf underneath.

What I can say is thank you for all the sweet memories that you have been given to me and also those painful scar you put me through. You just never once listen to me and now I can see you are happy with her without my existence anymore BUT for me it will never gonna be the same.

In the end the day you left was just my beginning.

The tears that I shed for you, it means that I was once truly in love with you until you break it into million pieces. Those tears are just precious and I can see that I could actually love someone so deep.... :') *sniff xA

Get out or Stay out?

Well, why am I crying? Is not worth it anymore.

I try to sit down and think deeply and realize the pain is just too much to bear.

I'm no longer your priority so what's the point of me shedding tears for someone who would never really gives a fuck about me anymore?

Happiness, you seems to be so far for me to catch it now. At least you are happy now but I'm still in misery and that sucks a lot.

Well, walking away from someone who treats you bad is only half the battle. You've gotta STAY GONE. So can I stay away? xA

Scar

I have to start waking up now!!!

Obviously, I have been REPLACED...

Nuff said now.

 :'(   xA

Death but Breathing

I can totally relate to this song lyrics after all. 

You broke up with me because you fell for another girl, here am I playing this song for you and I hope that you know how much pain I felt when I lost you. You promise me lots of thing to me and there is when I see a future with you, but I guess forever came a little too early. 

When I'm down and sad you were away with that girl, even though you know how much I don't like the idea that you hanging out with her when we were together. 

Now I can see the only colour for me to you is just black and white world, I wish I could be with you once more but still I wouldn't want the heartbreak for once again and the insecurity that I been through. :'( 

You made me unbeautiful.... 

xA

So me!

Well, the video is totally how I felt. You always grab your phone around and message non-stop when you are with me. Yet I do nothing to stop it...

Now you are with the other girl while I'm still left alone.

Reality struck! xA

Worst Nightmare

Nothing could completes me anymore.

I was once so important in your life; you always put me in your priority list but now??? Well after you got another girl on your side, I'm just not as important as your new girl anymore.

Is sad to know that I was once with you on your side to comfort you, laugh with you, makes you happy, holding your hands, hugging you to sleep, taking care of you when you are ill but...that went too fast. Too fast that you got bored of the present and start seeking for others outside your comfort zone.

Was torned apart till now. I don't know how do I feel anymore, is just that more hurt, pain, torture, heartbreak adding into my life if this agony of reality won't stop. I can see myself been replaced and the love was once with you is just clearly dead now, just dead and nothing of me left inside of you.

Could I still hold on for long?
The truth is, I don't even know as well and they said exes would never gonna be friends and I'm still contemplating with this yet again.

Crush me once and now another wave coming in still, I don't know how long can I take. Maybe is just a sign that you want me off for good so that adding more salt on my wounded heart would make sure I get what you are trying to tell me. Well you know what? It is working though...

My friends are disappointed on me so as myself. So when can I finally break free and see a bright sky again?

Leave and start fresh? OR Stay and still suffering all this agony that you might not gonna see it deep inside my heart that I'm pretty much still not over you.

xA

Fix Me

Honest speaking, I do not know how to love again.
Once bitten, twice shy
I would say I'm actually scare to feel hurt and those fucking heartache that been torturing me till now and again.

When would this end?
Maybe I would start comparing others people to my ex that used to hurt me the most
You are the best and the worst I ever had.

Every now and then when I go out dating, I set my standard so high that they must have some qualities that my ex obtained but is just hard to find someone to replace unless I really end this myself.

Maybe is just me being selfish, can't let my past go and now it is haunting me back.

I felt myself a little piece here and there and is wearing me out soon. xA

Bollix

Well I guess this is not really what I want...

I have to free myself, free my mind and stay single for sometime.

I don't need any flings around me, I don't wanna send the wrong signals and signs.
Is true I'm really lonely now and that's why I'm taking advantage of people who is there for me and I don't wanna break them in the end because I'm still stuck :(

I don't think I can control myself from all this lifestyle that I'm having. I'm just not me, I'm tired of putting up this facade when deep inside I'm just as broken as those glass been shatter on the floor which never could ever been replaced.

Most of all, I need to be alone for sometime but loneliness really scares me so I'm a fucking mess up right now.

Out and over. xA

Why?

When you needs someone by your side, I'm always there for you.
Believing every word you say and even though I know you lied to me, I choose to believe it.

But when I need someone, who is there for me?
You would just say that you will be there but never once!
Even once, you are just so quick into leaving...

Well, I'm not the one you'll sweep off the feet.
You always came around gave me false hope and then let me down.

 xA

Have Faith

 

Every days will never gonna be the same,
It's even hard mentioning your name
Looking back I don't know what went wrong
But suddenly it's like I don't belong

So how long must I wait?
And how long must I stay?
Please let me know how to live.
Cause I don't ever wanna feel this way
Again. ..

Nothing seems to matter anymore
Why can't it be just like it was before?
I hate you for the person I've become
Take me back to where it all begun

Let me know, how to live
Let me know

xA

Speechless

One of my friend dedicated this song to me and I don't know how am I suppose to react... 

On the bright side, the lyrics are simply beautiful :) xA

Take Care

Silent felt so loud...

During day time, I try to focus more on work but I really hate at night because I will start thinking lots of shit when miss those moment when we were together.

What can I do? Loneliness sets in and it hurts :/ xA

Every now and then I fall apart

Once upon a time, I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart. 

The past is the past.

I've accept the fact that it can't be changed and it is even better to see what kind of person they are. 

No matter how much it hurts me, all I can do is move on with life. 

So, for the people who walked out on me. 

Thank you. 

You had made me stronger.... xA

Love, Lust, LIES

All this while I had been fed with lies, and now I find it difficult to trust and believe a person anymore.

They said the truth hurts but lies worst!!!

Touch the flames and I got burned, lesson learnt and hard to reason.

xA

Right Path

A wise friend told me, stop apologizing because you did nothing wrong....

Is your partner who left you for another person and change their heart and is clear that temptation had lure them away but you on the other hand still stay faithful for your partner. It is the bravest thing you ever achieve.

For those who felt for temptation, you can see it crystal clear that the person is not a good partner after all and you have to thanks that whoever girl that your partner is dating now because it will never gonna last long too. They ditch you for a new toy so once the new toy is broken, a replacement would be needed. Is just a tired game...

Everything is a test, you learnt from the bitterness mistake and then once you are heal, you come out strong and fight again. But never ever sink in to the bottom, take it as a challenge in life.

A relationship don't come easily, you had to fight for it, fix the problem and eventually it will last for a very long time. Not runaway from problems and put your ego and dignity behind just to pleased them.

Angie, I'm sure you can do it. It will never gonna be the easy way out but still you have to have faith in this and start believing that everything gonna be okay. It must have been tough now because you are not over your partner and of cause they are an asshole who was blinded by the temptation ahead and gave up on someone who actually truly, loyal to love them. Your partner had lost someone that truly loved them and is their lost.

You had nothing to lose because you gave all your best in this relationship and they just came around stab behind your back and seek for their own happiness regardless that you are hurt in the end.

Start finding yourself, put those broken pieces back together. Go out and you will eventually find someone who will gives you the security, trust, responsible, one who take care of you. You don't have to be so insecure anymore in that previous relationship because it will eats you alive in the end.

I'm glad you stay away from the pain that you have been suffered during those months when you were with your partner. I can see your tears every time when you gave your partner a free pass to hang out w/ the girl and your partner lie to you behind your back and said both of them are just friends. And all you ever did is wipe away your tears and cry yourself to sleep without your partner notice. It shows that your partner is selfish and just concentrate on themselves rather than your sorrows, sadness you been through and felt disgusted and pull away from you.

Enough is enough and you know that, you already gave all of it to your partner. Is just that your partner takes you for granted and that's why falling out of love happened.

You on the other hand is a fool, why would you ever think that player will change? Before you were with S, you know that S already been dating somebody else and you are too stubborn and still jump into that flame and get yourself burned in the end. Is just time for you to wake up now.

Get out and get someone who will treats you right and this time don't ever find a player anymore. A fucking player will suck you dry and spit you alive.

You don't wanna go through those heart break because you are just too fragile to handle it again. xA

The Love That Dies, The Love That Lives

So I guess is just not fair when one of us had move on; maybe out there having some other people but one of us is stuck on that person.

You had lost someone who truly LOVE you but I have lost someone who will never love me anymore. So what's more that I could ask for? No companion anymore, just me walking alone down the street while thinking that maybe you could walk through the pain with me when I need you the most....

Just different now, so different. One used to sparks so bright now sink in the bottom of the ocean like a sinking ship, just going under.

And it will never be rekindle the feeling and love anymore.

Deep inside, I know I still love you and I know I have to let this feeling fade away fast because all I know is that you will never feel the same for me anymore.... *teared 

Part of me, I still wish and hope that you are still part of me, there for me when I fall. I really do...

Somehow, now and then I still remember when I told you my stories and those hard time I have been through, you are always there for me to wipe away my tears and look after me and I do cherish those moment when I'm with you. And I don't know if you remembered but for me is just the memorable thing you ever did to me and I appreciate it much.

Maybe I wouldn't get a chance to tell you this verbally anymore so I'm gonna spill it out here... I... LOVE... YOU still

Sigghh

xA

Masochist

I'm trying to erase you from my memory because thinking of you jumbles up my mind.

I love you too much to even start liking you so lets just let the story kinda end.

I felt tormented inside out, emotional and physically.

xA

Bleed till death

So well said for the above picture.

Everything went down when you brought me to your place and then you left me alone the whole night at your place while you were out.

Perhaps you went over her place without my concerning how worried I am. Waiting for the whole night and finally couldn't take it any longer and call you in the middle of the night like is like 4am in the morning. You lied to me at first said that you were at the office and still refuse to tell where you were the whole damn night.

I guess you don't know how I felt. All you ever though is your own happiness and don't know there are people there care and still worried shit out of you. I have been thinking, did you fuck her all night long while you left me here at your place?

You are such a lier, cheater and a player!!!

Over and out for now. Is just depressing to know. xA 

A little not over you

This is just so sad. I know that deep down inside I still care and love you but what I can do is just to ignore all my feelings. I know this is not going anywhere...

Even though I still have feelings for you and what's the point? Because I know that you will never gonna care and go out and hunt the next target.

I'm so pathetic, what should I do... Every night I cried myself to sleep, emotional disrupted. Sigghhh

Different story, same ending. xA

Melancholy

Guess that you didn’t know that I still notice the things that you did behind my back. You constantly keep checking on her blog and sending those lovey-dovey messages like I love you, I miss you this kind of thing; even before and after of our relationship. Don’t you know that is just fucking cheating still?

You keep embellish your lies when I asked you that do you like her and love her. And your answer would always be, I like her as a friend and nothing else more. But what you don’t know is that I know the truth and that’s why I was hoping you to tell me the truth but you again lie right to my face. You get so sensitive when comes to the M girl and one time she called when you were away so I pick up the phone and tell her that you are away. Still you get so worried and paranoid and kept asking me what did I said to her and why the fuck I answer your call. There is when I know you did something really wrong behind of my back and you panic and make a big fuss out of it.

Poem, signal and sign that you sent across to the M girl really do hurt my feeling lots. Because I know that you had change your love after you met her when you were still having a relationship with me. You get so fed up with me and pick those unnecessary fight and flaws of me just to break our relationship up so that you can be with her next.

Before that I told you before what is wrong with you but you end up saying that I’m so possessive and controlling and whatever fucking mean word to hurt me. Every time, I cried myself to sleep for the past few months because I know that you had changed.

Seriously, fuck my stubbornness in me because my friends used to warn, advice me off me not to work with their partner because things will turn out awry in the end of the day. Well guess what? They were right!!!

Why I choose to listen to you instead of my friend? You told me that those old couples been working with each other for more than 10 years and nothing happened to their relationship and you said that you wanted to spend your life with me and seek for stability but it all turns out to be bullshit.

Now whatever of us ends and I hope you are happy now because whatever I did is due to my insecurity. Still I’m still working you; I don’t know how long I can take this pain. I really have no clue and I am still hurting.

But you on the other hand? You don’t notice because you have a new toy to play with… xA

Toxic Mindset

How to be alive again? I keep telling myself that.

Well to be honest, I really gain this hatred feeling towards this girl called M and no offense or anything but I just do.

I know holding grudge is just so wrong but I guess I'm gonna make this exception for myself... at least!

Because it is so much better I guess? :) xA

Self-Inflicted

Mostly everyday I wake up with a terrible nightmare and I dislike this kind of lifestyle anymore because is just too painful and it will eventually effect my health.

Wake up in the middle of the night, panting.... and my mind is just full of you, haunting me and sucking on me slowly and deadly.

What can I do to erase all this pain? What did I do to you to deserve this agony? I'm frail and all you ever did was just hurt me more because all I know that you have another person in your mind now; which I have no position in your heart and that really kills me.

How could people just change so fast? How could they just throw away love so easily and fall into something by just a snap? I guess I'm always there for you and therefore you got bored and take things for granted.

Oh well, I guess if I can no longer hold on to it. I will eventually leave.... one day

xA

Just Maybe

I really should STOP drinking and smoking myself to death just because I need to get over you.

But the truth is that I will never get over someone in just a small period of time and what more that I need to see that person very often. FML

Is just not worth it. xA

Turning

Why u did this to me? Letting me go so easily and finding some lame excuse just to get rid of me because there is somebody else involved?

And then after awhile that we were done, you came around and send me signal and sign saying that besides than your mom, I'm the only person that you trusted the most in the world and said that you miss me.

What the fuck should I do? I need some advice... :/

xA

Let It Go

What's happening to me?

Why am I still hurting myself so much? I have a choice by closing the book now and turn into a new chapter.

I know I should just quit and move on instead of just hanging on with this nonsense.

Everyday I had been crying myself to sleep and the next day morning wake up in pain because was awaken by the nightmare.

Maybe I should try turning love into hate and hate everything that you did to me, betray me, lie to me, cheat on me. That's what player are capable of without realizing it was wrong. Never mind, KARMA is a bitch and it will eventually come on the right time and right place.

And I had some ridiculous imagination that I wish vampire do exist so that I would want a small little favour from them which is just hypnotize me so that I could just forget those pain that I have been having right now. Not cool, really not cool after all... :'(

xA

How could this happened to me?

I know I should be moving on without holding on but it seems to be so hard and time consuming.

Don't know how long will I get over you. Maybe a month? A year? I hope time will heal my pain and yea easy for you to find someone replace me because that's what you are. A player or should I just say emotional cripple? Nuff said

I'm deeply wounded and I don't know how to pick myself up again this time... xA

Burn the bridge

Lesson that I learnt in life.

1. Never ever move in w/ someone if you are sure that they are gonna be the ONE for the rest of your life

2. Never ever work for that person just because they pave a nice road and sweet talk you and lead you in

3. Never ever give your heart out to anyone anymore because they might eventually crush it

4. Never ever put them as priority more than your friends & family because once you lose, all you ever left is nothing

5. Never ever give your happiness up just because you just want them to be happy and in the end of the day you would end up in the bottom pit of the world

6. Never ever please them because they will end up taking you for granted

7. Never ever be there for them anymore if they only need you when they are in need

8. Never ever soften your heart just because they say sorry to you yet still betray you in the end of the day

9. Never ever date a player and believe that they will change for the sake of you

10. Never ever put your dignity and pride behind of yourself and let them ruin you every now and then


SO TO THOSE GIRLS OUT THERE, WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! ;)

xA

Lonely Path

Who am I kidding?

Every time when I'm in need, no one seems to be there to help me and lend me a hand but me and my shadow. Even sometimes, your shadow will eventually leave you and that's sad...

xA

Porcelain

I once fall in love, devoted so much into this relationship but in the end; I felt myself got betray and feeling so much of insecurity in me. What a fool am I? Though that you could be the one for me and we could last forever just because of what you said to me!!! Now reality strikes upon me and all I know is that happy ever after in fairy tales doesn't exist anymore. *Wake the fuck up*

I never felt this painful after all. I guess I lost to this girl and I don't know who's that girl and where's she from but all I know is that she took your mind and heart away from me and all I left is nothing but sadness.

Even though you are physically with me but you are emotionally sway apart. You never know how does it feel and maybe you could put yourself in my shoe only you would realize how painful it is. The way you treat me in those days are terrible! Scolding, yelling but I didn't fight back but swallow deep inside...

I don't know how to pick myself up because it seems like everything around me just crumble and I had crash and burn totally.... :'(

xA

The Sobriety of a Soul

Well I guess everything was said and done now. I'm finally letting go this pain that have been torturing and tormenting me all this few months. To be honest, it is the bitterness experience I ever tasted all these years. No one could truly understand how I feel because when people around me ask what's wrong? I would be putting up a facade that no one can sees right through it. 

Yes! I do agree that I used to be the happiest girl in the whole world when I'm w/ you but things change too fast. All you ever did to me is a scar that I would remember by falling to those temptation out there, fall out of love and treat me so invisible; like a giffen.

You said I'm possessive & controlling but have you ever thought that is all because of YOU that make me do things beyond my imagination. Feeling so insecure & lost; and every time I head to bed, I would cry myself to sleep.

Things change and I know some part of me still miss you much but it doesn't mean I'm gonna want you back anymore. Maybe during those time, I should be a little standoffish so that you wouldn't take me for granted. I should never put you in my priority list but never mind and doesn't matter anymore actually...

This song really means something to us I guess... :'(

xA

Shiver

Atomic winter in my soul from the absent of the sun....

xA

There are so much things I would like to say but I guess picture would explained my feelings better... :)

Oh yea or else heart wouldn't be sinking in the first place 

Appreciation highly needed

Don't take things for granted, I'll say... 

Story of a White Horse

Let me tell you a story about how A girl met someone call B who stole her heart away...

 So here is how the story begin...

On a very special night, they met each other over a dinner as a stranger in this memorable place at Ole-Ole Bali. Once the dinner end, her friend push her and insist B to fetch her home so that they can know each other more. Therefore after dinner, B had no choice but to take her home and fulfilled her friends and agreed on taking her back home as a gentleman should do.

Both of them walking to get the car and B did the most chilvery thing to her by opening the car door for her and let her in. She was so surprised and of cause Brownie points awarded to B secretly right inside her heart. They begin to talk inside the car and she felt that B is really wise and mature person to be with and then she started to hang out w/ B more often.

Day by day, all she ever expect is to come home from work and get a chance to meet B for the night to catch up. But sometimes good thing doesn't come easily because she found out that B is a player.

It hurts her so bad...
B is like two timing with some other woman on B's side and it kills her deeply, toxically. But she won't give up and fight this war until she succeed..... Because she knows that she had been secretly falling for B all because B had been sending those signals and signs to her saying that I LOVE YOU....

To be Continue... xxA

Brown Eyes

Hurtful words.... Heart Aches...Teary Eyes....The Jig is Up

Nostalgia 2011

Well, lots of thing happened to me in 2011. And let me stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. 

• Met lots of NEW friends

 

• Bought myself a G2000 Blazer

• Bought myself a very first Crocs Shoe

 

• Had my very first Smartphone HTC EVO 3D

• Won myself another Smartphone in lucky draw contest – Samsung Galaxy S2

• Applied Credit Card

• Went to Singapore

• Went to Kuching, Sarawak

• Watched Magical Musical Theater

• Had my heartbroken

• Found a NEW LOVE to mend 

• Graduated 

• Finally got a job which gives me the satisfaction to travel here and there 

• Received unexpected Xmas Present from mi Love – Lingerie

• Received my very first Starbucks Tumbler from Ryan

• Hold and run a Christmas Party by myself

2012 is a brand new year and let’s remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not only just for today but all year long.  xA